


Close Your Eyes

by museme87



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-17
Updated: 2011-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-14 20:42:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/153265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/museme87/pseuds/museme87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Near the end of the First War, Remus and Sirius' relationship lies in ruins, and they're given one night to try to salvage as much of it as they can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LJ's hp_porninthesun 2010 fest.
> 
> Warnings: Aside from general sex, this fic contains frottage, oral sex, dirty!talk, makeup!sex, and food!sex. Also, there is a touch of angst.

With a _pop!_ , Remus Apparated in front of the gate that led to the sea side cottage he now called home. His back ached and his eyes were heavy from all his researching. He had come up with nothing yet again and wondered when Dumbledore would begin to grow impatient with him. So far, the wizard had been remarkably accepting of his lack of progress and simply urged him to keep looking, that surely they would find the book soon. Remus, on the other hand, wasn't quite sure how many more fruitless days in dusty old bookshops he could bear.

Sighing, he swung the gate open and slipped inside. It was getting dark and threatening to rain. He picked up his pace, hoping to avoid being caught in a downpour.

As he approached the door, Remus noticed that the sitting room lights were on, which he knew he'd turned off before leaving that morning. While he'd been fortunate enough to have avoided any run-ins with Death Eaters since his arrival, Remus couldn't help but wonder if his luck had suddenly run out. Taking his wand from the pocket of his denims, he put his hand on the door latch and pushed it open, a particularly formidable incantation on his lips.

He faltered, however, when he saw that the intruder was not so much of an intruder at all, but Sirius, who had abruptly dropped his own wand and raised his hands in defence. Remus exhaled, relieved and mildly irritated, and pocketed his wand.

"You're daft," Remus said pointedly. "Breaking into my home and thinking that I wouldn't notice and take appropriate measures. I could have killed you."

"Sorry."

There was something in Sirius' tone that worried him. He was too accepting of his scolding, too quiet in general, and looked as if someone had just drowned a puppy. Remus wasn't sorry for what he had said, but perhaps he shouldn't have been so quick to reprimand.

"Why are you here, Sirius?"

"Death Eaters attacked Prongs and Lily a few days ago. Nearly killed them both. They've been following Pete for two weeks now too, and it's a bloody miracle he's escaped them." Sirius looked up at him with concerned eyes. "I needed to know that…I just…I was worried."

Remus was alarmed at the news. James and Lily almost murdered? Wormtail being trailed by Death Eaters? His heart contracted violently. They'd been at this war for years now, and it looked like the odds were finally piling up against them.

"I leave you lot for a few months and everything goes to hell in a handbag."

Remus'd said it to try to lighten the mood a bit; however, the humour sounded odd in the circumstances. That, and Sirius' face was scrunched up in that tell-tale way that meant that he hadn't even understood Remus' Muggle phrase anyway.

"The Death Eaters haven't come calling on me, if that's what you came here to find out."

"Thank Merlin," Sirius said, relief apparent in his voice. "No one had heard from you. I thought maybe they'd figured out where you were. I came as soon as I could."

"How exactly did _you_ figure out where I was?"

Sirius looked guilty. "Don't be mad."

"That's never a good way to start a sentence, Sirius."

"I went to see your old man, let him know what was going on. He was just as worried as I was, so he told me you'd moved up here to your great-something's old cottage."

To say that Remus was upset would have been an understatement. They had all agreed at the beginning of the war that details concerning their Order work would be extremely limited to their family members. Remus had asked his friends to only seek his father out if he'd died; anything less would be worrying his failing father needlessly and putting him even further into harm's way. Sirius had broken a cardinal rule, and Remus was going to be hard pressed to find any forgiveness in his heart.

"Damn it, Sirius. We had an agreement."

Sirius looked rather offended. "Do you want me to apologize for caring about you? Because I won't. You could have been dead for all anyone knew. Running off like that. Not telling anyone."

"My father and Dumbledore knew where I was."

"Yes, your father who we're not allowed to contact unless we find your broken and bleeding body and Dumbledore who has been about as elusive as you've been these days. What _was_ I thinking?"

Sirius' sarcasm was not missed. Remus sighed, utterly exasperated with the situation, and turned towards the kitchen. However, Sirius caught him by the arm before he'd even made two steps progress, and Remus would have been lying if he said Sirius' touch hadn't electrified him.

"Please, Moony," Sirius pleaded, eyes filled with warmth and desperation.

Puppy eyes. Sirius was giving him puppy eyes, and like a fool, Remus was buying it. His internal rhythm began beating in time, and Remus recognized it as a familiar one, the right one, the one that complimented Sirius' to perfection. He knew where this could lead, knew it because it had led them there so often before.

"What did you expect? Honestly," Remus admonished lightly.

"I don't know. That we could talk about things."

"And by 'things' you mean us."

"Yeah, that's kind of where I was going with that," Sirius said sheepishly.

"It's late, Sirius," Remus said, turning towards the kitchen once more.

Sirius wasn't more than a step behind him. "We could have dinner."

"I've already had dinner."

"Dessert then. Chocolate. You love chocolate. In fact, I love chocolate. We both love chocolate. I really can't see a flaw in this plan, Moony."

Ah, there was the nervous, yet casual pleading that Remus wondered if he would see. It was very rare for Sirius to act like this. He was sounding a lot more like James in his desperation to get Lily to go on a date with him than himself.

"You should be getting home, Sirius," he said, stopping fully and giving him a stern look. "I mean it."

"Impossible."

"How so?"

"Nasty bit of weather we're expecting. Wouldn't be safe to ride in it."

"Well then it's very fortunate for you that you're a wizard and can Apparate."

"Moony."

And suddenly Sirius' hands were folding around his own, sending his heart aflutter. Remus swallowed hard in an attempt to quash all the feelings that were rising in him.

 _You're not dating anymore. And there's a reason for that, you dolt. Stand your ground._

As much as Remus kept repeating those thoughts over in his head, a gentle brush on the top of his hand from Sirius' calloused thumb was all it took to undo him entirely.

"Alright, yes. Stay." He quickly tugged his hands free of Sirius' before he got any more brilliant ideas in his head. "But this doesn't mean that we're okay. I'm still upset. You've still crossed one too many lines."

"Right, I completely understand. No more crossing lines. I'll be on my best behaviour."

"I'm not expecting a miracle. Just try not to sully anything else up, will you?"

 

Remus finally made it into the kitchen without further protest from Sirius and began filling up a kettle with water for tea. Foregoing chairs, Sirius slipped up onto the countertop and watched Remus go about his business in silence.

His eyes, however, were communicating far more to Remus than Remus would like. This, being in the kitchen with him, it was like being back in their small London flat. It would be so terribly easy to fall back into routine; Remus was absolute pants at harbouring any ill will towards his friends for very long, and Sirius was a particularly special case. Nearly make him commit murder? A couple months of dreadful silence and Sirius is back in the bosom. It was ridiculous really.

Remus fought to stay mad with Sirius because he had a good reason. But as he watched Sirius slipping loose a button on his shirt, he imagined his own hands finishing what Sirius' had started. He looked damn good shirtless, all flawless skin and beautifully toned muscles courtesy of years of Quidditch and playing Auror with James. Sirius was everything that Remus wasn't, so why Sirius was interested in him was beyond his reasoning capabilities.

But he never voiced these things. Instead, Remus took to preparing the tea, casting quick glances at the strip of now exposed skin. It wasn't until he looked a little farther down that he realized that Sirius was wearing _the_ trousers. Sirius had taken to calling them his "get lucky" trousers, as it never failed to make Remus want to bend him over the table and take him on the spot.

He had planned this. Whatever his reasons were for coming, Sirius had had an ulterior motive or he wouldn't have been wearing what he was and unbuttoning his shirt just so. Sirius wanted him and he was responding accordingly, falling into Sirius' carefully spun web. He hated this…the way Sirius could do this…unravel him…Sirius was to him what the moon was to the wolf…and… _and_.

"Why are you doing this?!" he asked, tossing a dish towel onto the counter.

Sirius looked at him confused, or at least acting so. "What?"

"Fiddling with your buttons! Wearing those trousers!"

"I…was warm? And I usually wear trousers."

"It's March for Christ's sake. And they're _those_ trousers. _The_ trousers. The ones that make your arse…dear God, I'm falling apart."

Remus wilted, the counter top the only thing keeping him from falling over entirely. All those years of self-hatred and he still hadn't quite become accustomed to it. Sirius now knew that he was affecting him, just like he'd intended. Remus had always been buggered when it came to keeping things from Sirius, so why he thought this would be any different was entirely lost to him.

"Moony."

He looked up to find that Sirius was no longer sitting on the counter but instead uncomfortably—and yet so comfortably—close. He could smell the cigarettes and expensive cologne on him. And Sirius' scent dizzied him to the point that he reached out to grasp his shirt lightly, tugging him another step or two closer.

"I didn't mean anything by the trousers. I need to do the laundry is all."

"Lies."

Sirius sighed. "It would have been easier if you'd just played along. Always spoiling it for yourself."

Remus felt Sirius' fingers trace his jaw, and he swallowed hard at that. His lips parted ever so slightly and completely unintentionally, a sure sign that his brain was headed straight for stand-by.

"This isn't okay," he whispered.

Sirius leaned in, his body millimetres from contact. "Then why are you letting it happen?"

"Because I lose all sense when it comes to you."

It was Remus who made the first move, pulling Sirius roughly against him. The short distance that had separated them was far too reminiscent of all the years Remus had spent longing for Sirius, who was always so near and yet utterly unattainable. He needed to feel Sirius, needed to know that _they_ had happened, that the past few years hadn't been a nasty dream, that Sirius wanted _him_.

The tips of Sirius' hair brushed against Remus' neck, tickling and sending pin pricks of heat racing towards the surface of his skin. Sirius folded one hand across Remus', which was holding onto the counter for dear life, while the other slid against his hip. Before Remus could really grasp onto the idea that the two of them were indeed melting together, Sirius' lips slipped against his neck. Remus gave a strangled sob, and Sirius only slightly relented with the soft kisses.

"Tell me how something that feels so good can be so wrong."

"Because you don't trust me," Remus said softly.

Remus could feel Sirius' smirk against his neck. "I seem to remember letting you blindfold me and tie me to the four-poster. If that's not trust…"

"It's _not_ trust."

"Says he who has never been blindfolded, tied to a four-poster."

Remus pushed Sirius away gently, far enough to let him know that they needed to talk, but not so far as to give him the impression that he didn't care for the touching. This closeness, the thing that had been missing from his life since December, was just as wonderful as he remembered it was; Remus only wished that it hadn't been tainted.

"You're serious? You think I don't trust you? Is that what this is about? All this time I've been thinking that you left because you didn't love me anymore—"

"You've gone around the bend. Of course, I love you. I will _never_ stop loving you."

"Brilliant! Now that we've established that, do you mind telling me why in the bloody hell you think I don't trust you?"

Remus was quickly regretting ever giving Sirius reason to stop kissing him. He didn't want to get into his reasons why he left, and he should have known, Sirius being as naturally curious as he was, that one off handed comment would lead to persistent questioning until Sirius had his answer.

"Because I'm a werewolf."

"You've got to be absolutely barking, Remus." Sirius stepped forward and grabbed both of his hands. "That's never mattered. Not really. So you go mental once a month? Birds do it all the time."

"But girls don't tend to go on murderous rampages during their time of the month."

"You're not around Lily nearly enough then." Sirius smirked. " _Completely_ mental."

He couldn't help but give a half hearted smile at Sirius' attempt to cheer him up. And Remus wanted to believe him, especially since Sirius had called him by his real name rather than Moony. That was how Remus had distinguished between when he was being perfectly sincere and when he was lying. But he also couldn't help but think that his condition did matter, in some way however small.

"I left my cloak at headquarters the night of the last Order meeting before Christmas. While you were out doing 'errands,' I went back to get it," Remus began slowly.

He saw the recognition light up in Sirius' eyes and a horrified expression form on his face. The fact that Sirius knew what he was referring to was a good sign, he supposed, as he wasn't quite sure he could say anything more without being forced to drink Veritaserum. Remus hated reliving that night; he certainly didn't want to actually put the events into words.

"Moony, you weren't supposed to be there."

"I gathered that much after overhearing half the Order meeting without my knowledge. And about me, no less."

"You heard what Meadows said, didn't you?"

"I don't care if Dorcus Meadows thinks I'm the spy because I'm a werewolf. And I don't care that half the Order is in agreement with her." Remus looked into Sirius' eyes. "What was most devastating to hear, and the reason that I left, was when you said you didn't know if it was me or not."

He watched Sirius closely to figure out just what he was thinking. Sirius was utterly void though, as if something he had said had Obliviated him of all his memories.

"How could you not know, Sirius? How could you even entertain the idea that I would send our friends to their deaths?"

"I'm so sorry. I never…I knew that it wasn't you. I just…when someone asks you that question—"

"Someone did. Back in October when they thought _you_ were the spy. Moody asked me," Remus said.

"Why would he—"

"'Once a Black, always a Black.' Or at least that's what he claimed. And do you know what my response was?"

Sirius didn't speak, didn't move, and by the looks of things didn't really care to know because it would be all the evidence needed in the case against his misguided answer. To Remus, it wasn't about proving him guilty of betraying their trust in each other, or making him feel like the lesser man. It was about healing at this point; Remus needed him to know so he could move on with his life.

"I threw a hex at his face and told him that if he even so much as looked as you funny, he would have me to deal with come the next full moon."

"How did you know it wasn't me?"

"You're a blood traitor, remember? Joining up with Voldemort would make your mother proud, an idea that you've never been especially fond of."

"No, I haven't," Sirius replied.

"In fact, I dare say that you go out of your way to disappoint her—"

Remus was completely silenced when he felt Sirius' soft lips brushing gently against his own. The kisses came slowly and purposefully in a way that they had never come before. Sirius enjoyed taking with abandon and living in the moment. This was something completely new to Remus, and he feared it showed, as he struggled to get his own lips to work in time with Sirius'.

But slowly it dawned on him as to why Sirius was being so careful and deep. While he could sell a beginner's potion kit to a man who owned a potion shop with perfect ease, Sirius struggled when it came to expressing tender feelings. Rage, bitterness, hatred: he had every intricate detail down to an art form. But ask him to talk about love or friendship or regret, and things were, more often than not, left unsaid. This, this kissing and touching, was his way of communicating, his way of thanking Remus for believing in him.

"Sorry," Sirius said.

Just as he hadn't seen Sirius leaning in for a kiss, he barely noticed when he'd pulled away. Concern spread across Sirius' handsome features, and Remus realized that he must not have been responding properly.

"Sorry for the kiss?"

"Should I be?" Sirius asked, sincerely.

"No."

A smile tugged at Sirius' lips. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

It meant _don't stop_ and _I'm so frightened that we're never going to make it through this war_ , that _we're running out of time_ and _what if this is the last we ever see of each other_. Remus didn't know how two little letters could convey all of that, or whether Sirius could understand all that he was trying to say, but he hoped that it was clear. He couldn't know at this point if it meant something more than that, that perhaps the two of them had some sort of fighting chance, but Remus didn't want to give Sirius up for good.

"I…it's hard to explain."

"Tell me what you want."

"You. That's all I've ever wanted."

Sirius pulled him into an embrace, and they stood there in silence, breathing in the moment and feeling the warmth of the other's closeness. Embraces like these, they were few and far between, a gesture far too feminine for Sirius' tastes and one that Remus had hardly ever dared for fear of scaring him off. It was a moment that Remus was drinking in; he never wanted to forget it. He allowed himself to take in Sirius' scent and feel his heart beating in his chest. Sirius was there with him and alive. He would be a fool to throw it away because of hurt feelings. It might, after all, be their last night together.

"Forget everything," Sirius whispered. "Werewolves and blood traitors. The break-up, the war, this whole soddin' world. Can it just be you and me tonight?"

"Yes."

Sirius released his hold on him and took a few steps backwards, and Remus was completely befuddled. Hadn't he just asked if they could spend the night tangled in the bed sheets? Why then was he not kissing him again, rubbing against him in that irresistible way that often times sent him around the bend and on the occasion had him come, rather embarrassingly, like a teenager?

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"But you just—"

"Chocolate, Moony. I promised you dessert, and I never break a promise."

"I don't care about chocolate!"

"That is the biggest lie I have ever heard."

"I want you. And not later," Remus said.

"Did I mention it's Swiss Chocolate?"

"Swiss? I…" Remus sighed. "Alright. But what do you expect me to do in the meantime?"

Sirius said nothing, but Remus could tell that his silence had nothing to do with being unable to answer his question. He paused with meaning. He was silent because his mind was preoccupied elsewhere.

"I think you'll find your answer waiting upstairs," Sirius said several moments later.

Sirius Disapparated with a _pop!_ , leaving Remus half frustrated that Sirius was wasting some of their precious time, but half pleased that he was going to have Sirius again, regardless of how much turmoil their relationship was really in. Would he regret doing what he was about to do in the morning? It was hard to say. The only thing he could hope for was the best.

A small movement towards his feet caught his eye, and Remus looked down to see a Chocolate Frog staring up at him. As he bent down to pick it up, it hopped away with purpose straight towards the sitting room.

Remus followed it up the steps and through the corridor to the bath. The Chocolate Frog disappeared as it entered the bathroom, and Remus felt certain that it had likely disappeared altogether.

The door to the bath was cracked open, a dim light shining from inside. Remus reached for the light switch upon entering to find that the electricity no longer worked. He rolled his eyes.

 _Pure Blooded Wizards. Can't even embrace a few modern amenities._

Sirius had, however, provided Remus with a respectable amount of candlelight. The comforting smell of the sea rolled in from the open window, and he felt a little saddened at the thought of leaving the tiny cottage when the time came. Steam rose from the claw-foot tub, which had been filled to the brim with hot water and bubbles most reminiscent of the ones found in the prefect bathes at Hogwarts.

Remus smiled to himself as he stripped away his jumper. Sirius was absolutely brilliant. In only a few moments he had managed to do all this with wandless magic. It was an impressive feat, considering just how difficult that sort of magic was even next to the object you were trying to bewitch. It just went to show how much magic Sirius possessed.

After undressing, Remus placed a hand in the water to test the temperature to find that it was just the way he liked it. Sirius often complained when they shared the bath that "boiling" was not an acceptable temperature for anything unless it was being cooked. However after a bit more grumbling, Sirius would always join him.

Sinking into the tub, he felt an instant relief, as if the aches and pains that his work had brought upon him earlier that day could simply be washed away. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the porcelain, listening to the waves crashing against the rocks outside and thinking that the only thing that could make that moment better would be Sirius' company.

He struggled with the idea that they were really going to be together like they had so many times before. It both thrilled and frightened him. He worried that opening himself up would lead to more sorrow should anything happen to Sirius in the coming months, that the memory of tonight would haunt him. But there was a rush that came with the thought of touching Sirius' skin, feeling Sirius bury himself inside of him…and God how he wanted that.

The memories of all those times in the past caused Remus to stir. He recalled the quick good luck kiss in the Gryffindor locker room before the championship match against Slytherin in seventh year that had somehow turned into so much more. They had found themselves in the shower, Remus up against the wall and Sirius thrusting into him wildly. The coolness of the stone mixed with the heat and friction coming from Sirius was enough to overload his brain entirely. He'd come hard, so much so that he felt like his whole body was failing him. Sirius was the only person that had ever made him feel like that.

As he relived that moment in particular, Remus' hand began to trail down his stomach and around his hardening prick. Slowly, he worked it up and down, twisting just so and gripping it just tightly enough to be walking a thin line between pleasure and pain. It was how Sirius stroked him, and while Remus couldn't do it perfectly, it was similar enough for him to imagine it was Sirius' own hand and that they were together in the prefects' bath back at Hogwarts where threats of death and destruction did not exist and they could simply be Remus and Sirius.

"Should be a crime to look so fucking hot while wanking."

Remus gave a small yelp, released himself, and sent a fair amount of water to the floor in an attempt to reclaim composure. He smoothed his wet hair out of his face and saw Sirius leaning against the door frame, his button-up completely undone, with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"Don't you know how to knock?!" he sputtered.

Sirius shrugged. "What does it matter when I was already in here with you?"

Heat rose to his cheeks at that comment. Sirius knew him all too well. Of course considering that he had been the object of affection in every one of Remus' self indulgences, and Sirius knew it, it had been a safe thing for him to assume.

"You don't have to stop on my account, you know," he said, walking—swaggering—towards the tub.

If Remus had softened when Sirius caught him mid-wank, he had made up for it after hearing that. In fact, he was rather embarrassed at how hard the idea made him. If he had had any misgivings about pleasuring himself in front of his former lover, it would not have been obvious to anyone. Remus rose eagerly out of the bath, the bubbles making the whole situation a moot point, and stood before Sirius.

He didn't say anything, but Remus could see the intensity in his eyes, that he was just as eager to see what Remus was about to do as Remus was to show him. He closed his hand around himself once more and began pumping, closing his eyes and tilting his head back ever so slightly. Somehow Sirius watching him made the experience all the more pleasurable, and Remus tried to convey that to him with every moan.

"Bloody hell, Moony."

Remus opened his eyes to find want written all over Sirius' features and trailed his sight down to the strain against Sirius' trousers. Suddenly the rhythm he was working with his hand just wasn't enough and he whimpered softly.

"Rub your balls," Sirius commanded gently.

And Remus did. The combined sensation of his strokes, massaging, and Sirius' eyes transfixed on him would have alone been enough for him to come in a few more well placed pumps, but as he watched Sirius rest against the pedestal sink and bring his hand to the front of his trousers to rub his own erection through the harsh material, Remus didn't think he could hold it back any longer.

"Sirius…I'm going to—"

"Don't."

The bath suddenly began draining at his feet and the shower head turned on as the shower curtain whorled around him, hiding everything from view. In an instant, Sirius was parting the curtain and stepping in the tub to join him, clothes and all.

Sirius' mouth was on his in an instant, kissing him recklessly and hard, just the way he always had when things were reaching the breaking point. He ground his hips into Remus', and it might have hurt if it weren't for the fact Remus wanted him so badly.

"Moony."

"Remus. Say it. Say my name," he commanded, just as Sirius had commanded him.

"Remus," he moaned into his ear. "Gods, Remus."

Remus glanced at Sirius, his long hair clinging to his wet face and his white button-up reduced to nothing more than a second, paler skin. He looked sexy as hell.

"Come for me, love."

Sirius' voice was throaty and deep, and Remus' prick grew ever more eager to fulfil his lover's request. Remus rubbed up against him, completely awash in sensation, but he needed more. He fumbled with Sirius' trousers until they were nothing more than a memory lying at his feet. Sirius' cock, sprung free of its confines, was exactly what Remus needed to feel to push him towards the precipice.

"I'm—"

"Yes."

And it was all suddenly too much and the pressure too intense, and Remus let go completely, emptying himself against Sirius' belly. Sirius caught him just before his legs gave out on him entirely and planted a kiss on his head.

"Bloody brilliant."

He wanted to reply, but his head was still swimming. Instead, he leaned against Sirius, slowly feeling his strength, albeit shaky, return to him. Remus gradually worked his hand down into the nest curls between Sirius' legs and around Sirius' hard prick; however, Sirius pulled his hand away only a moment later.

"Saving that for dessert. Which is waiting downstairs, by the way."

"In a minute. Legs not quite working."

"Sure."

Sirius eased him down to the tub and then shut the shower off. He pulled the curtain back, grabbed his wet trousers from the bottom of the bath, and slipped out of his button up. Remus watched him in a daze, his spent cock twitching with every sight of Sirius' erection.

"Sex and Swiss chocolate. What did I do to deserve all this?"

Sirius smirked, wrapping a towel around his waist. "Gave me a chance."

He returned to Remus, helping him out of the tub and slipping a towel around him as well. Together, they made their way back downstairs, pausing briefly every so often to push one another against a wall and capture each other's lips.

 

Remus was surprised when they had finally made it to the kitchen. The lights had been extinguished, probably permanently for the time being knowing Sirius, but what lacked in artificial light was made up in candles. On the table sat a fondue pot filled with chocolate and a small platter of fruits and cakes. How Sirius had managed it all in such a short period of time was beyond him, but Remus had learned early on not to question his abilities.

"It's lovely, Pads."

"Yeah? It's not too…poncy or something?" Sirius asked, concern lacing his words.

"Not at all."

"Here."

Sirius dipped a strawberry into the warm chocolate and held it up for Remus to taste. He did so obligingly, his lips moulding around the sweet fruit which elicited a soft moan from Sirius. The chocolate was nothing short of delectable, and Remus thought that the only thing that might make it even better was licking it off Sirius.

"It's brilliant."

"Thought you might say that. I was in Switzerland a couple weeks back, running some errands for Dumbledore. Came across this little chocolate shop, and I couldn't help but pick some up for you. I planned on giving it to you on your birthday."

"You know I—"

"Yeah, I know. No need to get into it. Let's just enjoy this, alright?"

Remus nodded and took another bite from the strawberry. He couldn't help but smile at the self satisfied look on Sirius' face. The man lived to please him; he was really the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. If he had one flaw, it was that he tried too hard and cared too much.

 _But he's not your boyfriend anymore._

"Are you seeing anyone?" Remus asked offhandedly.

"I'm still buying you chocolates, aren't I?"

Sirius' finger brushed against Remus' lower lip before he had time to say anything more on the matter, and Remus watched transfixed as he brought the finger to his own lips, tongue darting out to the flesh to lick off a thin line of chocolate. That got Remus thinking.

Remus stuck his finger directly in the warm liquid, and then smeared it all over his lips, watching as Sirius' brow furrowed gently before he stepped up to him.

"You're terribly messy, Moony. Whatever am I going to do with you?"

Sirius lips were on his a split second later, kissing the chocolate away. Remus ran a hand through Sirius' long black hair and pulled him closer. Sirius' tongue slipped across the part of his lips, and Remus opened up eagerly for him, moaning into his mouth. He revelled in the taste of Sirius and chocolate, his two favourite things in the world, and wondered what other uses he could put the sweet liquid to tonight.

Breaking the kiss, Sirius nuzzled him, his breathing still laboured from the intensity. Remus rocked his hips forward slightly to see just how excited his lover was and was pleased to find him warming up.

"You could let me do something for you."

Sirius looked at him with interest. Remus was certain he knew what was implied, as his prick twitched at the thought; however, he said nothing, as if he was about to enjoy playing the fool. Just as Remus had, Sirius dipped his finger into the pot, coating it generously.

"And what would you like to do for me?" Sirius asked.

The only response Remus had in him was to take Sirius' finger into his mouth entirely, swirling his tongue around the digit and sucking just so. It was enough to bring a hiss to Sirius' lips. He flicked his tongue against the tip of the finger, eager to clean off all the chocolate and give Sirius a preview for what was to come all at the same time.

"Remus."

"Mmm?"

Sirius jerked his hips forward, rubbing up against him. His body was quick to respond, but Remus reminded himself that this wasn't about his needs, not yet anyway. Remus' fingers folded into the towel around Sirius' waist, and with a tug it was cast to the floor.

"Lie down."

Sirius obliged him, taking a sharp breath when his back met the cold, tiled floor. He opened himself for Remus entirely, legs spread wide and hands placed wantonly to his sides. Remus wasn't sure he'd ever seen a more beautiful sight than Sirius completely submitting himself to whatever pleasure he was about to provide.

Remus took the pot and a spoon in hand, and then kneeled between Sirius' thighs. Dipping the spoon into the chocolate, he drizzled it along Sirius' chest and abdomen, which caught Sirius' breath.

"Alright? Not too hot is it?"

Sirius shook his head. He then brought his hands to Remus' face and urged him downwards towards his skin. Slowly he began to lap up the chocolate and suck the flesh, leaving a trail of red marks in his wake. He circled his nipple slowly, bringing the nub between his teeth and applying light pressure.

"Moony," he hissed, as Remus continued his descent.

Remembering the sensation Sirius' commands brought before, Remus teased him, moving oh-so-close to his prick without touching. He planted kisses on the insides of Sirius' thighs and let his lips linger just out of reach. Sirius squirmed, raising his hips for contact and growling with frustration with every evasion.

"Tell me what you want."

"I want you to suck me off."

"And if I don't?"

"Moony!"

"Just answer the question."

"I'll go mad."

"Wouldn't want that," Remus said, his lips brushing against the sensitive head of Sirius' erection.

Remus closed his mouth around him, sucking and rolling his tongue against him. This, he had missed. He felt Sirius' fingers in his hair, urging him on.

As he continued the ministrations with his mouth, Remus slipped two fingers around Sirius' prick and began stroking him in time with his sucking.

"F-Fuck," Sirius gasped, his fingers pulling at Remus' hair.

Sirius slowly rocked his hips rhythmically, pushing himself further into Remus' mouth. Remus began sucking with earnest, his tongue circling around the soft head in the way that made Sirius wriggle with pleasure before flicking his tongue into his slit.

"Ugh, like that. Yes. Gods, Remus."

Sirius' thrusting became more frantic as he neared his orgasm, and Remus tried his best to keep with this new, erratic tempo. He wanted this so badly—to make Sirius come. It had been on his mind all night, before he had even decided to let Sirius stay. And so he waited eagerly, his own prick hardening with every thrust of the hips and every moan, for Sirius to become completely undone by his touch.

"Wait."

Remus looked up at him, startled.

"Not like this," Sirius said, sitting up.

Remus released him from his mouth, but the look in Sirius' eyes did not reflect disappointment. If anything, they began to blaze. Sirius stood up and offered his hand to Remus. He pulled him up, and in one fluid motion, bent him over the counter.

When Remus felt Sirius' erection against him, he couldn't help but to shift backwards in hopes of more contact. Sirius kissed his shoulder and pressed against him in a way that Remus knew to mean that he was done playing games.

In a moment, Sirius' lips were gone, but he soon felt a spit slicked finger slip against his opening and wriggle inside followed by a second. As Sirius stretched him, Remus mewled. He wanted this—needed this, needed it more than anything.

"Please."

Sirius withdrew his fingers. "Well aren't we eager," he said before thrusting into him.

Remus was certain he saw stars every time Sirius rocked into him, hitting the spot that drove him mad. The thrusting came slow and long at first, but Sirius soon became desperate and his hips sped up accordingly, slamming into Remus with little bursts of pleasure and pain.

His own erection was throbbing, ready for release but lacking the appropriate stimulation. Just as Remus was about to encourage Sirius to stroke him, Sirius seemed to have read his mind. He tugged quickly, and Remus came hard with Sirius' name on his lips. Sirius moaned and put his hands on Remus' hips to urge him backwards more quickly than he already was.

"I'm going to come, love," Sirius growled into his ear.

Remus felt a surge of pleasure as Sirius hit his spot and then a rush of warmth. Sirius collapsed against him, his breathing heavy. There, they rested in silence, each coming down from a blissful high.

When Sirius finally slipped out of him, Remus felt a sudden emptiness but didn't say as much. Instead, he turned towards Sirius, who was steadying himself with the table.

"That…you…mmm," Sirius paused, his eyes closing and opening slowly. "Good."

Remus laughed. "Reduced you to barbarian speech, have I?"

"Consider it a compliment."

 

They went upstairs shortly afterwards, crashing onto Remus' bed and listening to the waves before being lulled to sleep. It wasn't but an hour or two later that they woke up and began again, this time Remus burying himself into Sirius. For the better part of the night they continued the routine until the first signs of dawn began lighting up the bedroom, waking Remus.

He rolled over, expecting to find Sirius pressed against his back. However, there was nothing but cool sheets. It startled Remus, and he wondered for a moment if it had all been a dream. His mind was put to ease when he saw Sirius' clothes on the floor.

Remus got out of bed and dressed comfortably, combing the upstairs before deciding that Sirius wasn't up there. He went downstairs then and was disappointed to find that he was nowhere to be found. There was, however, a kettle on the stove. He must have made tea.

 _A good sign. At least he hasn't run off._

Remus had been somewhat concerned about their morning after. Things had been left open, and he worried that Sirius got the wrong impression. He loved Sirius, wanted a life with Sirius more than anything. However, he feared that now would not be the ideal time, not with the war going on. He only hoped that, in his weakness, he hadn't sullied that up forever.

As he warmed the water in the kettle for tea, he began to contemplate exactly what he was going to say to Sirius once he found him. He couldn't apologize; he wasn't sorry about what happened. It had been wonderful. Things had, for once, felt right. And Remus wondered if they could just stay here, in his great-aunt's cottage, and leave the world on the doorstep.

It sounded like a great plan, too perfect for words, which was exactly why Remus knew it could never happen. Sirius put too much value on honour and loyalty and maybe even in friendship—all of which would prevent him from ever walking away from the war. Remus wondered if he was a bad person for not being out there on the front lines with James and Sirius. He was instead doing a bit of investigating for Dumbledore, and once that was done, he would probably withdraw himself from all of it.

But maybe when Sirius was done doing what he needed to do, they could be together again. Of course, that greatly depended on if Sirius ever forgave him for slipping away into nonexistence when the rest of them were fighting for their lives. Then again, none of that mattered if Sirius didn't understand what happened last night, if he didn't understand what had changed and what hadn't.

 

Not long after Remus had set out from the house he'd found Sirius. He had been sitting on the beach, not dressed nearly warm enough in a pair of trousers and a button up that he had nicked from Remus' cupboard.

"What are you doing out here? You're going to catch your death," Remus said, sitting next to him.

"Watching the sunrise. I don't get the opportunity to appreciate it much anymore." Sirius turned to him. "Happy Birthday, by the way."

"You know I don't celebrate it anymore," he said with a sigh.

Sirius directed his attention back to the shore. "What happened to the Prewitts wasn't your fault."

"They were walking home from the pub where we were celebrating my birthday when they were killed."

"Could have happened anywhere. Stop blaming yourself. You never liked to celebrate it back in school either, come to think of it. Absolutely hated any gifts that we bought you."

Remus couldn't help but shift uncomfortably. Sirius just didn't get it and probably never would.

"That's because it was charity."

"It had nothing to do with how many Galleons we had and how many you didn't. We did it because we loved you, wanker."

Remus said nothing, partly because he was touched and realized that Sirius had made some sort of sense, and partly because he wasn't sure how to begin the conversation that had to be had. Sirius apparently had nothing else to say on the matter and gazed peacefully out to the sea as if he hadn't a care in the world. They remained that way for some moments until Remus couldn't take it anymore.

"Sirius, about last night—"

He held up his hand and waved it dismissively. "I know."

"You know?"

"Yes, you're a bloody open book."

"Oh," Remus said, sheepishly.

"It was never about that. Not really."

"Good. That's…well, good."

Sirius took his hand. "Things were getting so bad, Moony. I was losing my mind. There is so much death and destruction, and it's only getting worse. I guess I just…needed you."

"Needed me?"

"You know just what to say and do to make things better. And when you left…I don't know. There was nothing. I started to wonder if you had existed at all because every good thing in my life was disappearing. Like I was surrounded by dementors or something," he said, turning towards him. "So I came just to be sure of you."

"Well, I'm certainly real. And I don't know if I helped or not, but I hope I could ease your mind a little. Even if it is just temporarily."

"Someday it won't be temporary. Someday we'll get our lives back."

"I hope so."

"Remus?"

"Hmm?"

"When the war's over, do you think we could come back here? You know, start our lives over. Together."

Remus nodded. "I would like that very much."


End file.
